Take Me Back to the Start
by Madison Blake
Summary: Hermione Granger is a successful lawyer and happily engaged to Theodore Nott. Three weeks before the wedding, Harry shows up on her doorstep with news that will turn her world upside down. Left at a crossroads, Hermione has to make a choice that will affect the rest of her life.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Take Me Back to the Start

**Summary: **Hermione Granger is a successful lawyer and happily engaged to Theodore Nott. Three weeks before the wedding, Harry shows up on her doorstep with news that will turn her world upside down. Left at a crossroads, Hermione has to make a choice that will affect the rest of her life.

**Pairings: **Theodore Nott/Hermione Granger, Harry Potter/Hermione Granger

**Take Me Back to the Start**

"Maybe I should cancel. We've barely seen each other the last couple of weeks," Theodore Nott said as he buttoned up his shirt.

Hermione Granger walked up to him and slowly kissed his back. Going up on her toes, she rested her head on his shoulder. She looked at the two of them in the mirror and smiled. She couldn't remember being happier than she was at this moment.

"Don't be ridiculous. Draco will kill me if you cancel," she said, "And we are both free tomorrow night. We can go out for dinner, maybe catch a show, and then you can show me just how much you've missed me."

"I like the way your mind works," he said as he turned around so that they were face to face, "Are you sure you want me to go? Draco has to realize that you're going to be my wife in a few weeks and that he will have to come second to you."

"I'm positive, Theo. It's poker night and the guys will never let you hear the end of it if you miss it. Bring me back some money," she joked.

He kissed her and she couldn't help smiling into the kiss. He was so considerate, always making sure that she was happy. It took three more goodbyes and kisses and a promise of some after poker fun before Theo finally left for Draco's. It still astounded her that after being together for two years that they were still as in love with each other as when they first met. She was startled out of her thoughts when the thunder echoed throughout the house. A storm had been predicted tonight, but Hermione hadn't believed it with how sunny it had been during the day. Taking a deep breath to push away her fear of storms, she looked for something to do.

After cleaning up the kitchen, she grabbed her wedding planner and spread out her notes on her coffee table. Hermione was a muggle-wizard relations lawyer and she was currently splitting her time between wedding planning and working on a high profile case. Her being busy was an understatement. That was one of the reasons why she pushed Theo to go to the monthly guy's poker night. The wedding was only three weeks away and there was still so much to do. Her friends had offered their assistance, but Hermione had been too stubborn to accept it. Now she was regretting it.

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts and she quickly got up to answer it. The wind was blowing the rain into the house making it difficult to see who was at the door.

"Harry? What are you doing here? Come in before you catch your death!" Hermione said as she ushered him inside.

Before Harry Potter could answer her, she sat him on the living room couch and gave him a mug of hot chocolate. Once she finished preparing herself an earl grey, Hermione sat across from him.

She took a moment to observe her best friend. His messy hair was messier than usual, his glasses were crooked, and he kept glancing around the room. Harry couldn't keep his hands still, constantly shifting the cup between one hand then the other. With a longing look at her wedding planner, she focused on what could have brought him to her door.

It couldn't be because of his break up with Ginny Weasley. They had broken up six months ago after being together for three years. Their breakup hadn't come as a surprise to anyone. Their relationship was hot and cold; they were either fighting or over the top with their PDA. It wasn't the first time that Harry and Ginny had broken up either, but it seemed final this time. Were they getting back together? Why was he acting so nervous?

"What's going on?" Hermione asked, noticing that his gaze was stuck on her wedding notes.

Harry looked up, "Can't I come visit my best friend?"

She gave him a look and he reluctantly put his mug down, "Well, I don't know how to say this. I had a speech all planned out, but it seems stupid now that I'm here. There's something that I've been meaning to tell you, but it never seemed like the right time. I don't want you to marry Theo."

Hermione didn't take a moment to think about what he had just told her, but instead she reacted, his words had made her that angry.

"Excuse me? Please tell me that I heard wrong Harry James Potter or I will kill you," Hermione said, ready to defend her and Theo once more, "Out of everyone, I thought you would be happy for me. You made me believe that you were. You've hung out with Theo before and he told me how well that went. Was that a lie?"

Her words woke him up and the Harry she was used to seeing returned, instead of that awkward man she had let enter her house. His postured straightened, he tossed his glasses on her coffee table in annoyance, and his piercing green eyes caught hers.

"No, it wasn't a lie. Theo is a good man, but he doesn't deserve you," Harry said, crossing his arms.

"Thank you for your opinion, but I'm going through with this marriage with or without your approval," she said as she pushed her hair out of her face, "Now if you could kindly leave so I can add finishing touches to my wedding that's happening in _three weeks_."

His next words caused her to falter and he said them with an intensity she had never heard before, "You can't marry him, because I love you."

Hermione waited for him to continue talking, but he didn't, choosing instead to leave it at those three words. The rain was pounding on the windows, the room darkened, and she felt like she couldn't breathe. Without a word to him, she got up and went to the kitchen where she started to pace.

What the hell. What the fucking hell. It was just like Harry to come in and try to ruin everything just because this one momentous event in her life had nothing to do with him. He was probably jealous but didn't understand that it had nothing to do with how he felt about her, but rather that everyone was talking about the wedding. Hermione had also been rather busy, not able to see him recently, so he probably just missed her. He didn't actually love her, how crazy would that be. But how dare he try to ruin their friendship by uttering those words.

"I didn't see it at first, but Ginny was the one to point it out. It was one of the reasons that we broke up. I didn't believe her and thought she was jealous of our friendship. But then six months ago, it hit me. I was waiting for you at that new restaurant for lunch, when you came in late. You had just made a break in a case and started talking about it. The server was lucky to get your order, because you kept going on about human rights and I thought to myself that I loved that about you. How passionate you are about helping others. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was going to tell you, but the next time we saw each other you announced your engagement to Theo. I wasn't going to say anything, but I realized that I wanted you to know in case there was ever a chance that you loved me too," Harry said from behind her.

That feeling that she couldn't breathe returned to her and she backed up so that he was across the room from her. Harry's brow furrowed as he started walking towards her, but she threw her hand up to stop him. To her surprise, he listened and sat down at the dinner table waiting for her. Harry looked unaffected, but his restless leg gave him away.

How dare he decide to selfishly unload this on her. At Hogwarts, she had constantly gone back and forth in her crush between her two best friends, Ron and Harry. Ron was the loud, funny one, who made her blush when he teased her. Harry let her confide in him, never made her feel insecure, and was always there to defend her. When they graduated, Harry was the one she had fallen for.

He had been her first friend, the first person, and sometimes felt like the only person, to truly understand her. Harry had never made fun of her for reading or researching. He made her feel safe just by being present. Even now in the middle of this storm, his presence was enough to keep her fear at bay. He knew every single one of her secrets just like she knew his.

But he had chosen Ginny over her. The gorgeous redhead loved to play quidditch and drink firewhiskey with the guys. Harry had tried to ignore Ginny's charm, but had fallen for her just like every male that had met her. She was outgoing and bubbly; Ginny was everything that Hermione was not. Hermione had waited for Harry to realize his mistake, that he should have picked Hermione, but he always focused his attention on Ginny.

Then, Hermione had met Theo. It was back during her corporate associate days, when she was trying to prove to the senior partners Montgomery and Anderson her worth. Wagner was a junior partner who had taken her under his wing and allowed her to work on the Malfoy/Nott/Pearson case. Draco Malfoy and Theodore Nott were business partners in the potions industry and Pearson was trying to sue them for stealing his idea on a potion. Hermione's only job was to take notes during the meeting and later research anything she could find against Pearson. Taking notes during the meetings had proven difficult because Theo kept staring at her, distracting her from the content of the meetings. He had the loveliest shade of blue eyes that she had ever seen. Once the case was closed, he asked her out to dinner and she accepted. Hermione remembered the butterflies she felt in her stomach and any thought of Harry was quickly forgotten after that date.

"Hermione?" Harry asked, bringing her back to the present, "What are you thinking? We can't talk about this if I don't know what's going through your mind."

Taking deep breaths to prevent the tears from falling at her frustration, Hermione answered him, "What do you expect me to do, Harry? Did you think that I would fall into your lap willingly and forget about my past two years with Theo?"

"It was only two years. We've been in each other's lives since we were eleven. I don't understand why you would choose him over me. What does he have that I don't?" he asked.

"Because I love him. When he proposed, I made him a promise. We have a life together, dreams, and you're asking me to throw that all away because you've decided that you love me," she said with a hint of anger.

Harry stood up at her words and walked towards her, "Why don't you believe me when I say that I love you?"

"Because you never noticed me until you realized that I was unavailable. I did love you once upon a time, but you chose Cho, then Ginny, you noticed everyone else but me!" Hermione said as her tears started to fall.

Harry took a step back at her confession, an expression of surprise on his face. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"What good would that have done? You weren't interested and I didn't want to ruin our friendship," she said, "You would look at me with pity and I didn't want that."

"Or I would have woken up and realized what was in front of me this whole time. Hermione, please give us a chance. You know that we should be together. We should be the ones planning a wedding together and making plans. I know you better than anyone," he said grabbing her hand.

"If you knew me better than anyone, you would know that I hate you for doing this. I hate you for making me choose between you and Theo. If you really loved me, you would let me be happy," Hermione said as she wrenched her hand away from his.

"You might hate me right now, but I know that you are making a mistake marrying Theo. The hate you're feeling will disappear when you realize that I am right," Harry said, "I am being selfish, but I would rather spend my life with you than watch you move on with someone else. I'm not the good guy that everyone believes me to be."

Hermione didn't say anything, she couldn't. She didn't hate Harry, didn't think that she ever could hate Harry. But he had awoken the long forgotten love that she had felt for him tonight and her heart was trying to decide which one she should be with. The look on Theo's face when he first told her he loved her, when he asked her to move in with him, and finally asked her to marry him reminded her that regardless of how little she had known Theo, they were happy and very much in love. Even the memory of this evening when Theo was reluctant to leave because he wanted to spend more time with her made her love him all the more.

Yet her best friend was standing in front of her waiting for an answer to his question and he looked so beautiful, but so sad in that moment that her heart wanted to break. She loved him too, always had loved him. Her heart ached to touch him, but her mind stopped her.

"I can't, Harry. I do love you, I always have, but I also love Theo. I have a life with him, I made him a promise, and I can't leave him," she said as she watched the hope disappear from his green eyes.

She reached out to touch him, to comfort him, but he backed out of her grasp. Hermione would always remember the look on his face as he left her house for the rest of her life for she had never seen such despair, agony, hurt, anger, and hate on Harry's face even during the war. She heard the front door slam and she collapsed on the floor unable to hold back the sobs that were wracking her body.

**The End… Or is it?**

**For the first time, I cannot decide whom I want Hermione to end up with. I will leave that decision up to you. Leave your answer in a review and when I see a clear majority, I will write the ending. **

**Should Hermione stay with Theo or leave him for Harry?**

**Thanks for reading!  
****Madison**


	2. Chapter 2

**Part Two**

"Hermione, they're ready for you," her mother told her and Hermione pulled the delicate, white veil over her face.

Hermione looked at her reflection one last time before hooking her arm around her father's arm. One by one the bridesmaids walked down the aisle. Taking a deep breath, the doors opened, the song changed, and Hermione started her walk down the aisle. Her nerves were consuming her and she thought she would trip in front of everyone. When she caught sight of Theo, everything else disappeared. They were the only people to exist. His blue eyes watered and she blushed. He had never once teared up or cried around her.

The ceremony had been a blur. She didn't know how she managed to say her vows because all she could think about was the man beside her and how they got to this point in their lives. When he kissed her, she felt the binding magic of their nuptials and as they ran out of the cathedral, white doves were released. Their guests followed them out cheering and yelling their congratulations. After taking a photographs with the wedding party, Theo apparated them to the reception.

"I am the luckiest man in the world," he whispered and kissed her softly before they joined their guests.

Before Hermione could reply, they were escorted into the ballroom where their guests were waiting. This day was perfect. It was everything she had dreamed about as a little girl and more. Never had she thought that she would be lucky enough to find Theodore Nott and have her happy ending.

Hermione Granger woke up with a start, overwhelmed with feelings of grief and despair. It was all a dream. A beautiful, wonderful dream that she knew would come to pass if she chose Theo. They weren't the perfect couple, but they came pretty close. She knew that she would be happy with him and he with her.

But Harry was not in that future just like he had been absent from her dream. Those feelings of grief hit her harder than she had expected. If she chose Theo, she would have to let go of Harry for the rest of her life. Could she do that? Who would hurt more to give up, Theo or Harry?

Hermione could hear Theo downstairs. It was Saturday so he was currently reading the paper and drinking an espresso. Usually Hermione would be downstairs with him, but she had overslept. Putting on a bathrobe, her bare feet carried her to the kitchen.

"Good morning," Theo said, "You were asleep by the time I came home and I didn't want to wake you up, you looked peaceful. I cut up some fruit for you this morning."

"Thank you. How was your night yesterday with the guys?" she asked as she sat down across from him and started eating a piece of mango.

"It was great. I came in second place. Blaise ended up winning. Before I forget, a letter from Harry came for you this morning," he said as he handed it to her.

Hermione felt her heart hammer in her chest as she picked up the envelope. Thanking Theo, she got up and stood in front of the window as she started reading the letter.

_Hermione, _

_I was an idiot and I'm surprised you didn't punch me for it last night. The words I told you were true, but I could have found a better way to tell you. Let me try again. _

_Hermione, I love you. I think I have loved you since the day I first met you on the Hogwarts' train, I just didn't realize it at the time. You have always been there for me through every adventure and never once have you doubted me. Most people in my life have always thought of me as Harry Potter, but you've only ever seen me as Harry and I can't thank you enough for that. _

_By the time I realized my feelings for you, you told me that Theo had proposed. You were so happy that I couldn't tell you how I felt. Out of everyone, you are the one that deserves to be happy. I tried to ignore my feelings for you, I really did. But the wedding date is approaching and I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't stop thinking about you and what could have been if I had simply manned up and told you how I felt, or if I had realized how I felt earlier. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, and I knew I had to tell you if I was ever to feel at peace again. _

_But I realize now that it wasn't fair to you to burden you with my problems. I was thinking about myself as usual and not about what you wanted and needed. You need a man that will put you first even before himself, a man who will not be selfish with you, and will give you the world. I realize now that Theo is that man for you. You were right yesterday and I realize now that we missed our chance. _

_I wanted to give you and Theo my blessing and to apologize for missing your wedding. I would love nothing more than to support you through one of your most important moments, but I am not strong enough and I am so sorry for that. Know that I will be thinking of you that day and wishing you all the best. I am going to be away for a little while. I have realized that I need to find out who I am now that Tom Riddle has been defeated and I can't do that here surrounding by the past. _

_I am so sorry for all the pain that I have put you through and for not being a better man. _

_I love you._

_Harry_

Hermione couldn't stop the tears that were falling on the piece of parchment. She felt Theo wrap his arms around her and she gave him the letter to read before turning around and burying her head in his chest. Her and Theo didn't have secrets from one another and she didn't plan on starting now. Hermione could feel a change in his breathing and at some parts of the letter, he held her tighter. He put the letter down when he was finished, picked her up and carried her to the couch where he comforted her.

"What would make you happy?" Theo asked when she calmed down.

Her teary brown eyes looked up at him, "Would it make me a bad person if I said I didn't know?"

He sighed, "That isn't what a man wants to hear from his future wife. I think you know what you want, but you're scared."

"I love you, Theo. I chose you yesterday, just like I am choosing you today. We have a life together, a life that I love," Hermione said as she fixed his hair.

Theo closed his eyes and held her tightly. She didn't know what was going through his mind, but let him work through it. She felt safe right now, like nothing could hurt her.

"You need to stop him from going on that trip," Theo said, shocking her.

"What are you saying?" she asked.

"He loves you and I knew that from the start. I just didn't know how you felt about him, but I can see now that you love him too," he explained.

Hermione snuggled into his chest, "But I love you too. I want to stay with you."

"That's the thing. I know you. The reason why you're staying with me is because you think that's the right thing to do. You know what being with me is like, but you have no idea what would happen if you were with Harry. Not knowing scares you, but you will always wonder what if, if you stay with me," Theo said.

"Are you breaking up with me?" Hermione asked, a feeling of dread growing.

He kissed her in a way he never had before. It was slow, as if he was savoring the taste of her, but she was filled with sorrow as she realized that he _was_ breaking up with her.

"Please don't do this," Hermione said, but Theo gently moved her onto the couch as he got up.

"You need to stop Harry before he leaves. You know how impulsive and reckless he can be, which means he's leaving as soon as possible. Go, Hermione," Theo said as he walked towards the fireplace, "I love you."

Before she could say anything, he yelled out Draco's address and left her alone. What she would never know is that as soon as Theo arrived at Draco's, his strong front disappeared and he collapsed as he realized that he just let go of the best thing in his life. But he had to set her free to figure out what she wanted. When Draco caught sight of him, he hauled him to the couch and gave him an entire bottle of firewhiskey.

Hermione's sadness turned to anger when she realized that this was all Harry's fault. If he hadn't confessed yesterday, she would still be getting married in three weeks. He had to open his big mouth and ruin everything she had with Theo. Grabbing floo powder, she yelled out Harry's address ready to give him a piece of her mind.

Hermione froze. He was gone. His entire place was empty. He had left just like he told her that he would. Part of her had hoped that Harry had been bluffing. Theo left her because he wanted her to be with Harry and Harry left her so that she could be with Theo. . How fucked up was that? The perfect dream she had this morning crumbled around her. What was she going to do now?


End file.
